Chronicles of life

Dear fellow course mates,

Many of you have asked me "how’s it?"…i apologise i had no time to really sit down to lay A to Z to you. I would love to share my experience with you, and hence this post - in hope that it could offer an insight to those still "uncertain". Perhaps after reading this post, perceptions may change - - you may opt for or opt out.
Generally, private school demands productive work performance. There’s no room for under - performance as parents paid thousands (relatively they are demanding). I work under the monitor and surveillance of "lenses". There is one in the staff room, in each classroom and along the corridors! Argh! CCTVs! From time to time, do expect drop-bys from the bosses. Evaluation and observation are day-to-day and the grades determine the increment. If you perform below par, there will be no increment and otherwise.
School starts at 8am, ends at 3.30pm. Students are dear, not spoilt rich brat like most of you would assume; they are just plain outspoken and active. This is one plus point for private schools - - no disciplinary problem.
Most prestigious private schools are rich with gadgets and the latest technology. Classrooms are air - conditioned, equipped with an LCD. White boards are taking over chalkboards and soon, smart board will conquer the classrooms. Smart boards are touch sensitive/ touch screen whiteboards, with your finger acting as the cursor. Conveying messages to students is no longer verbal, but through blogging, and soon broadcasting. All these are possible since each student owns a mac book, teachers too. Imagine implementing this in a gov school…LOL You can expect a handsome pay from a private school, and good performance entails increment. As long as you do your job, an increment is promised at the end of the year. I love the idea of being able to utilise IT in teaching - ease teachers’ lives dont they?
If you ask me how do i find my job…i would say it’s a love-hate.
I love the things i experience everyday but i hate what i am doing - - of course most of you know that i hate teaching. This is not the career of my preference…i dun think i like working at all. Can i just "retire" to assume the role of a housewife with a first class honour degree? i think that would be cool.

She’s an
extremely “kiasu” competitor; she must have everything her friends have.

Before
any further detail, some of you would have guessed who this person is.

It must be
really pathetic being her, I pity her. Having no goals, principles and
directions in life, only to follow what others do, own what others have and
want what others want. Her specialty is to go all out to stand better than her
friends, is to be ahead of what her friends are doing, getting what her friends
planned to buy one step earlier. For this, I salute her. She wouldn’t mind what
it takes as long as she is ‘ahead’ or at least ‘equal’, including buying stuff
she can’t afford and ending up broke – we still can’t figure out how she
managed. It’s annoying to have a person to tail your every move; it’s funny
that we all knew – through our little experiment; it’s bizarre that she wants
and does the things we like, which she doesn’t - getting what we have, what we
want and doing what we do, not because she enjoys, needs or likes the same
thing…but it’s simply to complement what she’s missing. Maybe she just wants to
be ‘equal’ or better than us. I enjoy provoking her by constantly telling her
what I plan to get, what I have achieved, what I want to do to drive her mad.
At certain point, I really feel sorry for her though I despise her so much. She
doesn’t have a life coz she’s living the lives of others…just one question, if
I have the guts to lick my own shat (not tryna be gross, It’s just an
assumption – it will never happen, over my dead body) would she eat hers?

p/s:    これ 人 わ り ち や が です

Last weekend was the worst and the most
tragic I ever had. I was close to the brink of losing him and I am still so
much traumatized by what happened…

It was a perfect Sunday morning to wake up
to, too perfect that I wanted the morning to last forever. It’s a darling to
see him the moment I opened my eyes, and to feel his breath on my shoulder. I
knew I wanted that moment to stay – I closed my eyes.

I was half – asleep, perhaps asleep. In my
“sub – consciousness”, I was aware of him leaving the bed to the bathroom. (It
happened in the bolt of the blue) The next thing I knew was I heard a loud plop
from the bathroom. The sound was unusual and my intuition urged me to check him
out. The doors weren’t shut and the moment I looked into the bathroom, I found
him lying unconscious flat on his back, shaking.

His eyes were wide open and I knew he could
hear me. The first thing I tried to make sure was there’s no blood before
gently scooping him to sit upright. He was so cold and ‘lifeless’, looking at
his pale face made my heart stop beating. I couldn’t think of anything else, I
only knew that I can’t lose him. The First Aid knowledge learnt weren’t put
into practice. I was not supposed to get him up immediately; he was passing out
again. My heart weren’t beating and my mind weren’t thinking. I must not lose
him – was what resounded in my head. I slapped him real hard that it hurt me
even more than it hurt his cheek. He started to regain consciousness and this
time, he could see me despite feeling dizzy.

I presumed that he slipped and fell and I
asked him if he did. He said he was feeling dizzy before passing out and had no
idea what happened after that. He could hear me calling him but his vision was
blurry.

What happened realized me how precious this
man is – I cannot afford to lose him. I love him so much and I will love him
more today, and every new day. I hugged him and whispered in his ears: “ Don’t scare me like that again, promise you won’t leave me…"

 
Hubby,

“ If you live to be 100 years old, I want
to live to be 100-years-old-minus-a –day so I never have to live one day
without you. ”

かなし こと が ある と ひらく かわ の

そつぎょう しゃしん の あの ひと わ やさしい め を してる

まち で みかけた とき なに も いえなっかった

そつぎょう しゃしん の もかげ が その まま だった から

ひとごみ に ながされて かわってゆく わたし を

あなた わ ときどき とおく で しかって

はなし かける よう に ゆれる やなぎ の した を

かよった みち さえ いま わ もう でんしゃ から みる だけ

あの ころ の いきかた を あなた わ わすれないで

あなた わ わたし の せいしゅん その もの

ひとごみ に ながされて かわってゆく わたし を

あなた わ ときどき とおく で しかって

あなた わ わたし の せいしゅん その もの

All my
life, I have been anticipating this transition of role.

Now I
finally taste it, I don’t think I like it quite much anymore.

I miss who
I used to be, because I miss being dependent…

I miss
mum’s breakfast on the table every morning; every lunch after school and dinner
after nap. I have greater responsibilities now, I have to support myself - pay for house & car loan. I have to
cook my own meals, I don’t like it. I hate coming back to this quiet apartment;
I don’t like to be alone.

Occasionally,
hubby would drop by…but he has been busy lately. Every one seems to be assuming
a greater responsibility now. His elevation requires the sacrifice of time. I
understand that he’s working hard for our future…but sometimes I’d rather not
have the luxury, just to spend more time with him.

I long to
be home, but I can’t possibly leave my career, my love here. God is kind to
send my hubby and best friends here…at least when I feel home sick or lonely, I
have people to turn to. But nothing beats Kuching…the grass is always the
greenest there. Though I have relocated, my heart will always be there…My
sincere advice to those considering relocating, you’d better forget the idea. It
is painful to be away from home.