Chronicles of life

Boy or girl? The first time I popped him this question was three years ago…I was angry at him for calling off our lunch date to meet his cousin and I wanted to end our relationship for that matter. I ignored him totally till he came looking for me in my room…and was told off by my colleague - Bro Zack (padan muka). Somehow, he managed to get me to listen to his explanations. But I remained firm till he held my hand and told me that he can’t afford to let me go because he wanted not only me to be his wife, but also as the mother to his child.

I forgave him instantly. That very night, we had a very sweet conversation on the phone. We talked about marriage; we talked about having a family. I asked if he prefers to have a boy or a girl. The answer he gave was unexpected – I thought most guys favour baby boys. He shared with me his cutest fantasy of being able to carry his baby girl on his shoulder, sit them on the shopping cart, watch cartoon with her…whenever we do shopping together, he would relay to me his envy towards other fathers there who brought along their baby girl for shopping. Recently, when I was on holiday in Kuching (He was in KL), he called me and demanded that I must bear him a pair – boy and girl. He was watching his friend’s son learning football and was obviously attracted to the charm portrayed by a dwarf in a jersey chasing over a ball the size of his head. Boy or girl, I am able to entrust my children’s future to the hands of this man. He is more well – versed in the knowledge of parenting than I do because of his experiences. I saw the way he cradled his nephew, hushed him from crying and slumbered him to dreamland. (I don’t even know how to hold a baby) He used to tell me his experience changing diapers for his nephew, even watching “Winnie The Pooh” with them. I’m sure he definitely did not watch “Barney The Purple Bastard” or should I say “Baloney The Purple Bastard”…that purple thing is sick! That kinda show should be banned, it retards kids.

It’s a good thing that he consented to let me decide on the children’s future plans… but I still refer to him my ideas…like the chapter on naming the babies. Our ideal plan is to have a pair – a boy and a girl. The girl should be born first in hope that she would act as a big sister to look after her little brother.

Initially, he suggested the names “Christian” for a boy and “Ashley” for a girl. I did not agree with him. Instead, I suggested 4 names, just in case we have two boys or two girls in a row. The names are: Ryan Jay, Jason Frel, Paris Chantelle, and Elyssa Renee.(To be continued…)

This thing really freaks me out…The black jacket I wore to visit the Borobudur Temple in Indonesia last year emits the fragrant of chandana (sandalwood). After returning from the trip, I washed the jacket and kept it in the closet unworn. I took it out and dust it once a while and I could always smell the chandana scent from it. Surprisingly, the scent of chandana from the jacket has never been any lesser than the first time I smelled it, till today. Other clothes in the closet did not emit this fragrant, only the jacket. I thought of washing the jacket again, but I fear that the fragrant might be washed off. So I have decided to preserve the scent on the jacket till as long as possible.

My trip to Penang was primarily for leisure, and was also to run an important errand. Kek Lok Si was a definite destination above all the places of interest there. The name “Kek Lok” bears the meaning of Nirvana and “Si” simply means temple. Situated in Ayer Hitam, it was about a 40 minutes drive from where I stayed and a 10 minutes drive from Bukit Bendera. Upon reaching the foot of the Kek Lok Si temple, we were welcomed by rows of stalls and shops all the way up to the main entrance of the temple. Though I had an important mission to accomplish, I had never set aside my desire to shop. It’s like a wolf answering the call of its pack; it’s like a hunter smelling its prey five yards away. A shop right opposite the car park was calling me, and I was lured. True enough, they offered what I was hunting for – vintage clothes! And they even have the 60s and the 70s!!I have never once suspected – First, from the outlook of the shop, and second, judging from the locality of the shop – that they would offer something I have wanted, something which is the latest trend in clothing, and is which something I couldn’t find even in Bukit Bintang! Needless of further elaboration, those of you who know me well know the outcome of the visit to that shop. At the main entrance, we first saw the tortoise liberation pond. If you ask me to guess the number of tortoises in the pond, it’s such a big deal for me because they were infinite. (Probably thousands or more) Any tortoise there with the size of a platter or larger should age at least 5 times my age. Some of them have been there ever since the existence of the temple in 1891, 115 years ago. The first station after the main entrance is the Hall of the Bodhisattvas, and also the intricate gateway to the hilltop where Aryavalo’s Bodhimandala is. The centre of attraction there are the grand statues of Aryavalokitesvara, Samantabhadra, and Manjusri. What I admire most of the Bodhisattvas Hall are the serene interior and the intricate wood carvings and paintings on the ceiling. After leaving the hall, we came to the garden pavilion of Buddha and the five Bhikkus. You will first see the Lotus Pond Pagoda at the centre of this station, with the statue of a sitting Buddha preaching his five Bhikkus on Buddhism. Behind the statue of Lord Buddha is the famous Amitabha Buddha rock. There were also other rocks and boulders in the garden with sayings and poems inscribed by ancient Chinese scholars. The third station is the Amitabha Buddha Pagoda. This pagoda is only three tiers high, with statue of Lord Buddha being welcomed by his disciples on the top tier. Next is the Hall of Deva. The two Stone Lions loyally guard the courtyard to the hall. Maitreya is right in the centre of the hall, facing the entrance while the four Heavenly Kings stood magnificently, two on the left and two on the right of the hall. There were portrayed as four fierce and serious looking features. From one glance, their stern looks are terrifying. But their eyes seem to have a calming effect, I stared long enough into the eyes of one of the heavenly kings, and it was as though looking into the eyes of a mother – calming and loving. For a moment, I thought he was smiling to me. Right behind the Hall of Devas is the Hall of the Mahawira. The plaque at the centre of the hall is an inscription in Chinese calligraphy written by Emperor Kuang Xi of Ching Dynasty. The main attraction of this hall is definitely the Golden statue of Lord Buddha – Sakyamuni. Next to the Lord Buddha’s statue are the statues of his Chief Disciple – Ananda, one of his first ten disciple – Mahakasyapa, on Lord Buddha’s far right, the medicine Buddha - Baisajya guru, and on the far left, Amita. The 18 arhats are placed at the sides of the hall. Leaving the Mahawira Hall brought us to the Main Prayer Hall. It consists of a library storing sutras, and an ancestral hall with rows of life – like sculptors of the chief abbots and major donors. The next station is the Hall of Buddhas of Five Regions but we went directly to the Bodhimandala of Aryavalo which is the tenth and last station instead. The grand statue of Aryavalo is extremely tall, 120++ feet tall and looking as compassionate as ever, guarded by her two guardians (HuangHa). The main hall of this station was still closed for renovation; I especially love the White elephant statue at the entrance of this hall, it’s cute. And the mythical lion, Chi-Lin, it looks gentle. Before leaving the Mandala, I did not miss the opportunity to pray to the Goddess of Mercy and on top of that, I made a wish. And finally, the only remaining destination to visit before leaving Kek Lok Si - The Pagoda. The Pagoda of Million Buddhas is just beside the Hall of Buddhas of Five Regions. I heard a familiar rhythm of my favourite Sanskrit Sutra – The Paramita Sutra made into a song. When I was in St Joe, we had Prayer Days where classes are dismissed and students would go to their respective religious places for a mass. I never liked the songs for meditation chosen and even the chants and sutras used coz the medium of instruction used for the mass was a big issue to me. My heart is only opened to Sanskrit Sutras, not Pali or others. Hearing the Sutra I’m familiar with in an unfamiliar place makes me feel welcomed. Paramita Sutra or in layman’s term, Heart Sutra, has calming effect on chanters. The sutra narrates the preaching of Aryavalo on the Paramita or the five Panchas (five senses). (Aryavalokitesvara Bodhisatva gambhiran prachna Paramita charyam charamarno iryavalokitesma pancha skandhas tamascha) That the five panchas are eventually nil and everything in life – wealth (kaya), look (rupam), power (vindana), and emotion will eventually end. Whatever we have built, collected and earned in this life will be gone when we leave this life. Only deeds will be carried forward to the next life. That desires and lust breeds disaster, worries, sadness (durkha) and depression. Whenever I’m disturbed, I chant this Sutra or simply listen to the copy saved in my phone. It has never failed to calm me, made me forget my worries, and realized me that mortal life is momentary but nirvana is eternal. It taught me karma, of patience and again patience. Sometimes, I got not what I wanted and not get what I wanted at all. I was depressed till I chant the sutra. Sometimes people anger me and hurt my feelings, I wanted to kill them but the Heart Sutra remembered me the principles of karma – let thy sin you, but not dirty thou hands with the blood of the sinners, as those who sin will definitely pay. Sometimes I wonder why I am who I am, and not who I want to become. The sutra reminded me the fruit of this life is what I have sowed in the past life. It’s important to know that beauty, wealth, and power will not last. Rather than pressuring your mind thinking about the many things you want to possess and pursue in life, just let the thoughts and desires go, and be thankful with what you are endowed… I bypassed this hall and proceeded directly to the Pagoda – the destination of the mission I was supposed to accomplish for my dad. He sent me a sms as soon as I reached the temple, asking me to search for an old monk he met 36 years ago in this Pagoda. I was eyeing around for the monk he described in his sms. I thought I could find him in the 7 floor Pagoda, since that was where they acquainted. Tasneem and I were already exhausted, but I could still manage to run up the Pagoda. Each step was made with a hope but each floor I triumphed gave me disappointment. I willed myself to reach the top of the Pagoda even I was gasping for breath with the hope to find the monk there as my impetus. When I finally reached the top, I was like mad. Dog – tired and disappointed, there was not even a single soul there…no words could describe my feeling at that moment. I nearly cried but what’s even worse than a heart crying because a hope is shattered? I consoled myself, thinking that he should be around and I will find him…I went down the winding steps of the Pagoda and reached the Hall of Buddhas of Five Regions. “They” must be annoyed by my act bypassing them without paying a respect and therefore punished me with the disappointment. I approached the caretaker of the hall and enquired the monk’s whereabouts. The news of his death was an extreme disappointment to me, and the thought of disappointing my dad hurts me even more. The caretaker showed a photograph of the monk taken when he was alive. To confirm that he’s the one my dad’s looking for, I mms him a copy of the photo. Indeed, he’s the one. The fifth chief abbot of Kek Lok Si temple whom my dad acquainted 36 years ago in the Pagoda of Million Buddha. I broke the bad news to him and he was saddened indeed. He said the death of the chief monk is a great loss to him. I could empathize his feelings. I felt terribly bad for not being able to fulfil his request…a nun I met at the foot of the temple enlightened me that every acquaintance in this life is controlled by fate (yuan). It’s pointless searching for him whom you are not fated to meet. He shall appear effortlessly before you if it’s fated for you to meet. The death of the chief abbot before my dad could even meet him shows that their acquaintance was only for then and there, as their fate to meet each other was already written in the stars. Sometimes, some things are meant to be left undone, and some answers are left to be unfound. It’s just how things are meant to be…written in the stars…perhaps they will reunite, one day, in another Kek Lok Si (The promised land of Nirvana)…

People say his soul still can’t rest in peace, that his soul is still haunting his mansion.

He had been dead for three days in his room when his butler discovered him. His son was also murdered, and it was rumoured that it’s an inside job. There must be a reason behind his haunting. i guess it must be what he was forced to leave behind – his empire and his infinite properties. His mansion is just by the sea, next to the KWSP building in Penang and it is being tended by his butlers and his maids…why aren’t his children staying there? I leave that to you to ponder. I heard many stories about him: Dr. Zaidi described Boon Siew as a diligent and generous man. He used to jog every morning and at least 2 medical paramedics will escort him. Where were there when he died? Why only three days later that they discovered he’s dead? Again, I leave that to you to ponder.

Today is the beginning of the mid – semester break but argh we have a Saturday morning class to attend. Have to be present lest “mummy” catch me playing truant again. And since it’s the most difficult and important subject of this semester, I forced myself to go. True enough,

Dr. Soon lectured about the steps in designing the research methodologies and instructions, which is the most crucial area in producing our thesis report. He lectured for about 3 hours before calling it an end…and the moment all of us have been waiting for – getting back our test papers. My name was the second to be called out after Alice. Earlier on, Izzat and Narein were hanging outside the class with me. Of course they were enjoying their chiggy while I was simply taking a stroll to kill the boredom. I overheard from their conversation that Alice scored 39/60. I immediately felt worried, thinking I would somehow score lower than her. But after looking at my paper – 44/60, I was relieved. Though it’s not well done, it is fine for me considering the fact that I have not read thoroughly and it was a last minute revision. Dr. Soon’s remark on the paper was “Well done, good attempt! Keep it up!” Dr. Soon is a real funny man, he commented that I have given excellent answer, but he did not give me an excellent mark! I felt undeserving getting a 17/20 for the essay question on “action research” coz I think I wrote everything, even included the model by Kemmis and Mctargat. He should give me 20/20!!! I wonder who’s the highest (just to see how well I fair overall) coz I think 44/60 is somewhat low and falls among the average group. But when Dr.Soon announced that I was the second highest after Bharati (49/60), I felt great. Am happy my best friend, Mol, did well too…we gave each other a high five when Dr. Soon praised us in the class.

** I immediately sms “mummy” to tell her the good news, in the same time, informing her on my whereabouts and plans during the break. She called and told me she knew the marks earlier as Dr. Soon has reported the progress of the test to her prior the class. She’s sure proud of me. Am so to uched when she finally expressed how she felt for me. She said: “You only tell your God mother you are going to Penang, but you dint tell her with whom you are going with.” and she stressed again “Next time, before you go anywhere or leave the campus, you have to report to your God mother first.” I was so touched I almost melted!! Only Taz knew how I felt that moment as she was right next to me when “mummy’ called. I knew all these while that she cared for me and treat me like a daughter, and she did mention to others she treat me like her daughter since she only have sons. But she never personally tells me how she feels. Only today, this very day in history….16/9/2006 will remain as the most auspicious day in my calendar! Felt like crying…

(A sigh of relief)…after sacrificing my naps for the rehearsals; after sacrificing weekends-with-hubby for again, the rehearsals…we finally got it done with “The Pearl” playpresentation. Proud of my class for being able to organize what the RTM Producer, M. Ramachandran praised – An original and creative event – Well done to the organizing committee, and the casts especially. Well done Mol, you have portrayed the motherly figure well…am jealous with Coyotito…sure I’m your Coyotito??

In the same time, thanks to Shasha for your guidance and support…(I was expecting a pep talk, hehe) You can’t imagine how nervous I was (fear of the unknown), since it was my first time talking to such a huge crowd. We were never really sure who were we expecting, did we? I have to admit that “the song of evil” kept making me wish that the audience or guests couldn’t turn up so I would have less audience. How I wish! No matter what, the show must go on…there’s no turning back. The worse part was, the anticipation for my turn kills me. Being the last presenter is really torturing – the waiting part. Sha, thanks for agreeing with my idea on how I should carry out my presentation. I just wanna break away from the norm and convention so I have decided to make an entrance from the back instead of the front of the audience. I delayed my presentation and started my presentation by asking the audience questions just to lower my anxiety (“mummy”’s advice), and it really works .The moment I reached the rostrum and faced the audience, miracle must have happened. All of a sudden, my fear and anxiety disappeared and I felt so damn confident talking to the crowd. YES! I did it with style!! Got “thumbs up” from everyone for a presentation well done and for the dress I was wearing, Mr S and Mdm K congratulated me but I prefer the well-done-wishes to come from “mummy”, how I wish she’s there…

Friends are all the puzzle pieces that construct the perfect picture in my life.
They complement each other and if one is missing, it will never be complete. I’ve met countless people along the way, some of those rubbed shoulders today and became strangers tomorrow (too bad then), fortunately some stayed on as friends till today…
• Playback –

*In my early childhood (late 1980s)
My first lesson in nursery was “friends”. I blame my poor memory for not being able to recall all their names. But I can remember their looks so vividly. Exceptionally, I remembered Natazcza mainly coz our parents are acquaintance; not forgetting Mdm Dorothy Kuek – my favourite class teacher (is she still alive, I wonder).
After saying ‘bubye’ to them, I have never seen any of them ever since till I met Natazcza on registration day in BL. My, never expect to meet her there after so long! And of course, she’s in my friend’s list now coz I can’t afford to lose this piece of puzzle which I have lost and found.
In my recollections, my childhood friends varied in ethnicity and age. I grew up (from kindy til primary six) in UPM (formerly known as Universiti Pertanian Malaysia) and I was among the only two Chinese families there after another Chinese lecturer. My childhood friends from my then-neighbourhood were Eleanor Lynn, Doreen, Doris, Lea, Bob, Hazel, Bertha and of course my puppy Gloria which was taken away from me unwillingly by the Chinese lecturer. (I hate him). For your information, I’m still searching for them…not my puppy of course!
(1990s)
And not forgetting friends who have been with me since primary one till six – I just hate the “bubye” part (moved to Kuching). I was close to almost everyone in the class; there is no one that I can’t remember, right Philip? Though far away, we have been keeping in touch via letters in those days. We have never really lost each other – our friendship is strong. Only till Form 3, I was a bit drifted and was lazy to reply the letters…then, I lost all the contact numbers and addresses. Oh dear…sorry guys.
But I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of you guys especially Philip who even called me from as far as London. And Raymond, I have been searching for you after we lost contacted with each other sometime in Form 3 – I’m more than happy to find you again. Yeah, I will always remember you as the guy next door (hehe). Most prominently, you were there with Mr. and Mrs Ting when I was on the stage crapping about “The ungrateful Eagle”…were you disappointed when I only got number three? Our principal was (laugh)…and I can never forget the moment we had ice – cream together; am surprised that you too, remembered. How old were we then? Primary three I am sure.
And Toh Ching, the guy who nick-named me watermelon. How can I ever forget you - my number one contender in class! I was always competing with him for the number one position in class and in many other competitions in school as well. Though so, it was a very healthy competition coz we have been good friends till now.
Philip, my buddy and a very loyal friend. No wonder my mum likes you so much. Remember when you, SM, DG and his bro came over to my house and we played video games? Where is DG now? Raymond told me he’s in MMU…I sure do miss him – a close and wacky friend of mine. The rest of our gang (SM, RN, YF, Ivy, YJ, CC) are still missing, except for RN who contacted me just last month.
How about my best friend Suzanna? Where is she? I dreamt of her a few months ago and since this is a very auspicious month (in the sense that I have found 5 long lost friends this month), I thought my dream may be a premonition to the reunion with her and the rest.
(Late 1990s)
I make new best friends as I progress along the journey. I met Elizabeth Octovia in SRB St. Paul and we became best friends but after completing UPSR, we lost contacted with each other as she was posted to a different school.
It was then I got close to Billawatie, and like what she said in her testimonial – we did many crazy things together. We were so close that we became best friends. Sad thing was, Billa too, was transferred to another school and I had no news of her until I found her in Friendster again.
In the same time, I got close to my classmates – Kimberly, Narjit, Pamela and Angel.
How naughty we were…we “abused” our authority as librarian to get-to-know Ramon Fadli, the new guy in the school, remember? (And Ramon, are you still that enthusiastic in astronomy? Too bad our dream to establish the AE club wasn’t realised. Hope to see you as Datuk Mazlan’s successor one day.)
I miss you Kim, Narjit…life in Kuching has been so boring since you guys left. Kim, Narjit and I have been in close touch even after leaving high school. Kim was coincidently doing her practical in CMS in Wisma Mahmud, which was where I worked. Kim, Kim, lunch time during lunch break, clubbing on weekends and going places whenever we feel like it…Kim had therefore became a very important piece of puzzle in my life – she witnessed the beginning of my love story (at the building where we worked). I used to tell her how annoying the fat cheeky guy (my hubby) in my office was, how handsome my colleague (Bro Zack) was etc. Remember our favourite song then – Stuck? We have been good friends since the day we met till today – though this lovely lady has left Malaysia (sob sob)…
When I was in Form 3, I also somehow got close to Ewei (how did it happen?) Mebe coz she’s one Chinese girl I find cool for being able to speak Bahasa Swk fluently like I do (wink) and she introduced me to her circle of friends: Michelle, Felicia and Joanne who are all non-chinese…Er wasn’t in the picture then, though she has been my classmate since Form 1, it was only in Form 4 that we got close and became best friend.
We have a lot in common, chemistry is the right word. Remember you said something like this: “People may wonder what we talked about for hours and hours on the phone…” Coz we just have so much to talk about, yeah?
Yeah, Form 4 was the year I got close to Ketirah, Er, and Christine.
(the millennium)
After completing my SPM, I continued with STPM but in St Joe where all my other friends, buddies were posted to Green Road’s. Thank God I wasn’t alone there, Lenny, Ann and Evelyn was there too. And of course, we met new friends from St.3 – Dayana, Jane, Valerie and Falisca. Len, still remember the incident in the Bio lab when we had our mice dissecting practise? Guess it wasn’t dead enough; you should “drown” it longer. It’s scary to see something we thought dead blink its eyes.
After being appointed as school prefect and VP of SAMAR club, my network of friends expanded too. I got to know not only prefects and club members but other students in the school as well, even students from primary school (Melissa C – don’t call me hua hua anymore). Maklumlah, a girl in an all boys’ school.
I guess I have almost all of them in my list. I met Julius Kanyan in Shah Alam last year but he was leaving on a bus and I couldn’t manage to get his contact number. I’m also looking for Luke Empe, Yuana, and Dennis Kesevan…where are they now? And to the 3 guys whom I have hurt, especially Szwn, I’m sorry.
I love having friends, doesn’t matter who they are – as we learn a lot from each other. I knew the entire “au-au” society in my school. To be absorbed into their circle is easy – one leads to another. You just have to know one of the geng member and you shall know the rest in no time. My dear Abby, Ramzi (opps it’s Elyana now), Amal, Meor, Ika etc.
Benjamin, Steven and Danny Yong - - - how’s the love life going? Ben, sorry I couldn’t spare time for you when you were back, even on the phone when you called. Don’t say I am poor with appointments and I don’t keep my promise – it’s my bf, he just can’t stand me going out with guys. Danny, what happened to you? Er told me you are working in Johore now. Don’t ever end up with a Singaporean k, apple? Steven, I can see that you are blessed and “blissed”…so is your best friend YW, met him in Expert a few months ago. Oh, by the way, I miss your aunt’s Boston cheesecake.

And, not forgetting my ex-colleagues:
Alfa Tutors (during my break after SPM) – Joey, Michelle and Aunt Molly (miss you so much)
Journey Travels (also during the break after my SPM and term break during my F6) – Veronica (you have my mum’s name), Lydia and Tama (Don’t we just hate our-then-boss who claimed himself an Iban, and the punch line by Tama: “Malu Rentap ngaku dek keturunannya.”

K&N Kenanga (During the break after STPM)– Aki (Who survived the 26th Dec Tsunami in Phuket), Yennie & Kak Nur (My big sis), Daniel (Zack’s so called gay partner), Zack (My best friend cum big bro), Uncle Gordon (who always remind Hubby and I to remember God, DUH) the tea ladies (for their up to date gossips and advices), Peter (the chief security who have always closed one eye for me when I loitered at the restricted Margin Dept with Yennie), Aunt Kathy (of CMS, you look banging though you’re in your 50s), all the cheeky Datuks and Apeks I met at the trading hall, and the list goes on…

Of course, my favourite then tutees  - Adeline, Elaine, S. Ling, Giant, Raymond, Vincent, Yi Yang, Jeris, Yan Ni, C. Hiong…(so glad we are keeping in touch till now – except for Yi yang, tell her I’m missing her)
And my all time favourite tutees – Little Jonathan and Jovita (They’re never students in my eyes, but little friends coz they are wise and learned at such a young age. In other words, they are simply geniuses. So you don’t expect me to talk to them about Mickey Mouse and the “impossible” and “fairy tales”! At the tender age of 5-6, their topics of interest are science, invention, medical field, music and games, mind you. Ah, but they can’t debate the topic of “LIFE” with me. Wanna discuss about science; I was a science student so at least I know what to say. Wanna talk about invention; what possibly can they invent? Wanna talk about medical stuff; think I still can bluff my way through with the things I learnt in Bio class in high school and F6. But they don’t know a thing about life – so they have to listen to me crap. Eventually, I am still better! (Evil and wicked laugh)
(2003 – 2006)
The first friends I made during the orientation week: Maryati and Suetalesia (Sabahan girls) Bob, Taufik and Mai (my group members)
My dorm mates, in the most dreadful hostel for one semester: Aida (Manja), Ida (she taught me how to ride on a motorbike), Fyda (familiarized me with the road in Kl and how to commute via KTM an LRT), Daya (for being such a lovely sister), Munirah, Laila, Ella, Fai and Nurul. Also my other dorm mates cum course mates Meera, Dash, Ajah, and my “rakan sepelahiran” Aisyah (born on the same day as me).
After one long semester’s torture staying in the haunted, dirty and uncomfortable hostel, we (Ida, Fyda and I) moved out to stay in an apartment nearby. That’s also when Jessica and Mol joined in the network. Like my other friends, we dint get close immediately but only after some time.
Mol, she’s more than a best friend. She’s exactly a sister that God had forgotten to send me. I am acknowledged of the troubles you have took and went through for me, the times you have stood for me and supported me when I was down. I will always remember the time we embraced each other and cried so hard just because I was leaving for Kuching that day. Don’t be silly my dear, I will never leave you. I promise you we shall be like the two old friends you saw in Shakey’s…
…And later, Banu, Gaya and Anba came into the picture…then the rest, and now, Ona, Nuha (my, shock of my life to know the real you…I bow to you my Mahaguru), Anna ( - - the doll –), Taz and Reena.
Most importantly, Sasha and Gaya. Both of you played a great role in my life; one is my buddy and the other is my big sister. Thank you for understanding and tolerating my crazy antics Sasha, and Gaya, thank you for being patient with my temper and for the advices you gave.
As a bonus, Ona introduced me to her lovely sister Faeza and we clicked instantly. In fact, Ona and I have been close since Sem 1. The initial stage of our friendship was bad till a point I actually disliked and distanced her. Why? People used to blind me with false impressions of her that are untrue. But her sincerity and initiative to befriend me changed everything. That’s what I like about her – frank, outspoken, candid and down to earth. Through her, I got to know Reena. Reena’s mood and thoughts are not easily predictable. It takes time to understand her. But she’s one cool and easy going friend. I like the way she talks – she gives me a “carefree” feeling…she seems to be so cool over the hottest things all the time. And slowly, Taz joined in. Before I know her, I disliked her. And now that I have known her, I loved her. You’re the best shopping partner I can find, after Ona…very useful opinions and suggestions there.
Finally, Christine! How can I forget you buddy? I prefer to call you Shane because primarily we already have another Christine so to call you by another name is to avoid confusion, secondly, “Christine” is banned coz it is you-know-who’s middle name. our friendship is also a “late – bloomer” case, we have known each other since Form one but only decided to be buddies in a place so far away from home. Shane, please open your heart for relocation! We can lecture together in KDU, think about it! Or do you prefer Dixmart?
Sorry if I’m unable to mention all your names. There are too many of you, so I could only think of the closest ones. It doesn’t mean that I don’t mention your name, you are not important to me. So please know that each and every one of you is very important and precious to me. Therefore, please accept my big MUAH and HUG…thank you so much for being ma’ friend.

disini kau dan aku
terbiasa bersama
menjalani kasih sayang
bahagia kudenganmu

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bilakah kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn’t reach my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
my heart

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bilakah kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

Watched "Heart"? Does it reminds you of "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai"? I guess the movie is trying to juxtapose the value of friendship and love. The movie tells a story about two best friends since childhood: Rachel and Farel. (i sempat sms hubby in the cinema asking him if Luna’s lips reminds him of anyone) Like KKHH, Rachel harbours a funny feeling secretly in her for Farel. Too bad, Farel could only love her as a best friend. It was when Farel met Luna, everything started to change. Rachel felt jealous coz he has not been spending time with her and of course, she is jealous coz she loves him more than a friend. Though it hurt her so bad, she still went all out to help Farel to get Luna. Initially, Luna was reluctant to accept Farel’s love coz she was suffering from a terminal illness…I was so sure that Luna will die (Influence from KKHH) I never expect Rachel to die instead!(i kept telling hubby - why cant Luna just die since she is dying?) in the end, hubby’s guess was right - Rachel died for the love of her best friend and she even donated her liver to Luna, the girl who stole her best friend’s heart.

The punch line - Rachel wrote in her letter to Farel: "…will always love you, it hurts me so much that i rather die than to know that you are no longer with me. Thus, my decision to donate my liver to her, coz i know you will spend the rest of your life with her and it’s good to know that, although i cant be with you, at least my heart (hati) is with you (in her body) to spend the rest of the life with you."

You know what i told hubby after the movie? " Dont worry B, you wont have to choose like Farel, coz i’m your best friend and i’m also your wifey."

Had dinner with my ex-tutee, been craving like mad for Bah Kut Teh lately but had tom yam instead. Someone is so silly to be jealous and even told me to enjoy myself (sarcastic). Duh, not that I’m having an affair or something, trust me B. Molly, guess who was there with me? Your crush (Samuel)! Jangan marah…

Reached home around 10pm. 11pm, can’t sleep…so I thought of the Gubra movie Max bought. Finally have the chance to watch it (thank Max for getting the cd)

It’s just a movie that reflects the ‘real world’ or rather our society very frankly, what is there worth debating and controversial? It’s a good film, very authentic use of language (that’s how we speak in real life) and authentic contexts and situations. Well done Yasmin! Some people are just so fond of making such a small issue big and they just can’t take pleasure on other’s success. Don’t be over sensitive – it’s nothing about the film touching on sensitive issue but people are too sensitive over the portrayed issue which is real and present in our society. Shall I say people are mortified because their ugly sides are being exposed? Well, that’s the ugly truth well masqueraded; that is what present in our society today, and may be even worse than that. Or simply over reacting and exaggerating? Extremist is what we shall call these people, being over pious, ethnocentric…but it’s always good to have these people around, according to Karl Marx, conflict is the agent of change. Without change, there will be no progress or elevation. What sort of changes are we to foresee? Well, I couldn’t be bothered. (Laugh) What I was more interested was the scenes and the character (Orked) who resembles me. Orked, played by Sharifah Amani, is of a close resemblance to me. She is petite, like I am; and she is childish and ‘manja’, like I am. Her husband calls her “budak kecik” (my hubby calls me baby girl) and the way Arif and my hubby hug and cuddle is alike.

I recall one scene where Arif was complaining about his belly and hubby did and said exactly the same thing.

The two scenes I particularly like:

- Driving scene – Arif said something to Orked and hubby said the same thing to me before: “I will love you as how your father loves you, I will love you as your best friends do, I will love you as how your children will love you, or even love you like how your grandpa loved you.”…and the way she sits in the car, mind you…it’ so me!

- The part about “who goes first?”… and Harith told Ida he would rather her to die first and let him bear the suffer since she mentioned that she can’t bear to live a day without him.

“If you have a hundred years of life, I beg God to grant me one hundred years minus a day life coz I can’t live a day without you

(How romantic)

Words of wisdom i learnt from my mum:

"Never wrestle with a pig, you may get muddy and the pig likes it."

Now, after so long, i could finally put the advice into practice…i encountered, not face-to-face (vis-a-vis), someone who resembles a pig. Huge nose and broad face frame (Laugh). not that i wanna poke fun of her looks but it’s just apt to say that way. i have never been this mean, hehe. Funny how i could be so mean to someone i have never met in person before. but she provoked and provoked me by throwing false accusation on me. i was cool.I applied the words into practice and the consequence is - she ended up eating her own words. I don’t hear anything from her since then…and i feel extremely Goooood!